Six Degrees of Buber

The Six Degrees of Buber:

Martin Buber is one of the most influential scholars of his time – in fact he might be one of the most influential scholars, period. With Buber’s I and Thou remaining in print and serving as a foundation or inspiration for dozens of scholars in fields like psychology and communication, it is hard to find concepts in which no trace of Buber can be found. Because of his emphasis on human relationships, Buber’s influence is most often seen when looking at the ways in which people interact with each other and their environment – in the realm of interpersonal communication.

Bailey (2004) argued that deep listening is “the most important skill to develop to have a relationship based on timeless love” (p.55), describing deep listening as something that occurs when our mind lets go of all preconceived notions and ideas, a “purely receptive state of mind” (p. 56). When one is engaging in the practice of deep listening, Bailey explained that we let the feelings and words wash over us – we experience, not analyze. As a result, this allows for the listener to get the essence of what is being said, to find a connection with the speaker, and to experience a sense of compassion. Bailey’s concept of deep listening sounds a lot like empathetic listening – the listener is truly trying to put themselves in the other’s shoes, putting aside judgments and truly trying to understand the other’s position and feelings. Another way to describe the concept of deep listening would be to understand it as a kind of dialogue – “more of a communication attitude, principle, or orientation than a specific method, technique, or format” (Johannesen, 1971, p. 374). This dialogue is an interaction between people that helps to promote knowledge and personal growth – an inspiration for the concept of deep listening.

            Johannesen (1971) explained that the dialogic relationship is similar to Buber’s concept of the I-Thou, where the “attitudes and behavior of each communication participant are characterized by such qualities as mutuality, open-heartedness, directness, honesty, spontaneity, frankness, lack of pretense, nonmanipulative intent, communication, intensity, and love in the sense of responsibility of one human for another” (p. 375). All of these are characteristics that are used to describe both dialogue and Buber’s I-Thou relationship, ultimately seeming accurate for Bailey’s (2004) deep listening as well. As Buber (1970) stated:

All reality is an activity in which I share without being able to appropriate for myself. Where there is no sharing there is no reality. Where there is no self-appropriation there is no reality. The more direct the contact with the Thou, the fuller is the sharing. (p. 63)

If one is engaged in what Bailey describes as effortful listening, the focus is on analyzing and filtering an interaction through beliefs, value systems, etc. As a result, as Buber would have argued, this prevents there from being true reality – by trying to analyze and filter the communication, it is impossible to truly self-appropriate the person’s words and thoughts (in other words, it is impossible to be empathetic if one is busy filtering and analyzing another’s words). Only when it is possible to be a deep and empathetic listener is it possible to truly engage in a dialogue and a true I-Thou relationship. It is the effortful listening that results in a monologic relationship, because as Buber stated, “the person becomes conscious of himself as sharing in being, as co-existing, and thus as being. Individuality becomes conscious of itself as being such-and-such and nothing else…. Individuality in differentiating itself from others is rendered remote from true being” (pp 63 – 64).

            Clearly, Martin Buber’s ideas set forth have a wide ranging impact, having been applied and adapted for decades. Not only can his work still be found in its original and prose-like form, but also present in dozens of other works, including self-help books designed to help empower people to achieve the I-Thou relationships that Buber so prized.

References

Bailey, J. & Carlson, R. (2004). Slowing Down to the Speed of Love. Chicago: Contemporary

Books.

Buber, M. (1970). I and Thou. Trans. W. Kaufmann. New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons.

Johannesen, R. L. (1971). The emerging concept of communication as dialogue. The Quarterly

Journal of Speech. 57(4). 373 – 382.